When time stands still.
Around 5 years ago, the symptoms started. In the beginning, it started with abdominal pain so intense, it would often land me in the emergency room, fearing appendicitis or worse. The pain would only come when I started my period. When being triaged for abdominal pain in the emergency room, the first question was always “When was your last menstrual cycle?”. After telling them it had just started, I could always feel the immediate dismissal. Every emergency room visit was written off as a bladder infection for about a year. When the bladder symptoms started, I was faced with the constant urge to urinate, and severe bladder discomfort. The doctors would order simple tests, ultrasounds and bloodwork to appease my anger, and then prescribe some new form of birth control. About two years later, and many ER visits I had a huge flare up. Screaming in pain, I tried to seek comfort in a bath, but quickly passed out before making it to the tub. My family called me an ambulance, and I was given both morphine and fentanyl to ease the pain before transporting me. This felt like my breaking point, I had not been receiving the medical care I needed or deserved. I demanded I be referred to a gynecologist. In the meantime, I was lucky enough to be set up with a doctor willing to help. My symptoms were worsening and the gynecology wait times were months and months. The cramping became more constant, bladder symptoms worsening, abdominal swelling, and digestive tract issues and so on. Two years in and I finally hear the word “Endometriosis”. Three years in and I got a referral to an endometriosis specialist. Almost five years later, I am on the wait list for surgery, colonoscopy and a CT scan, in hopes of easing the pain. So often, women are overlooked for their pain and symptoms, especially a condition that revolves around the menstrual cycle. People often think it’s an ‘over reaction’ and that the individuals are just being dramatic due to the stigma attached to periods. Most doctors don’t even have the knowledge of what Endometriosis truly is, even though one in ten women are affected.
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6 year update: After enduring five long years of waiting, I finally underwent surgery for endometriosis. Considered one of the "lucky ones" in a landscape where diagnosis often takes a staggering ten years, the relief of taking action was palpable. As soon as my surgeon told me he had found the endometriosis, it brought tears to my eyes. Yet, the procedure left its mark with four incision sites and the unexpected removal of my appendix. Despite the surgery, the battle persists as I continue to grapple with the debilitating symptoms of the relentless condition.
Through the use of black and white self portraits, my desire is to show my viewers the complexity and pain of living with Endometriosis. While alluding to the idea of time through my photographs. I use long exposure photography to symbolize the slow moving time when I am in pain, waiting for tests, waiting for doctors and waiting for surgery. The use of a film camera results in a more intimate and raw feeling for the viewer. With the photographs, stands a life casted sculpture. Painted in gold leaf, my abdominal and pelvic area sits on a pedestal, representing the areas of my body where I feel and experience symptoms. The gold reminds the viewer to protect and cherish the bodies that they inhabit.
Through this journey of self reflection, and celebration of the body I was given, I hope that my piece brings awareness to the insufferable condition, and makes others who may be struggling with it, feel heard and understood.
